Return to Egypt and the Sphynx Who Loved Me...

I realize that most people who follow this blog think that international business travel is all glamorous and that I’m living the life of a rock star. Some of this, perhaps, is true. This job does indeed have its wonderful moments when I can be a pampered tourist on the company’s dime. However, the vast majority of this travel consists of me wedged into an unknown airline’s economy seat (which will barely accommodate their own 4’ tall Lilliputian citizens…much less my 6’4” frame). Then, when we get to the airport, we must continue the compression at an even greater rate. So, imagine fitting FIVE full-size Americans (plus a local driver, PLUS all of our luggage) into a taxi meant to seat four local people. Yeah, that’s glamorous all right!

The next morning, we had to visit our customer in Cairo. To get there, our distributor hired a huge van to carry us around. We loaded up the van and let the excitement begin! I did my best to film the journey from our hotel to the customer site (a trip that took 40 minutes each way). We were able to see a lot of the regular Cairo life through the windows of our air-conditioned van. I captured a bit of it on film.

As you watch the video, be sure to notice the prison van that we pass. This dark-blue van is the Egyptian answer to the “Paddy Wagon” from America 100 years ago. They actually lock people up in this wagon to transport them from place to place. It’s somewhat like a dog catcher’s van…complete with little windows for the prisoners to see the outside world and catch a breath of “fresh[er]” air. I see these wagons every day that we are here. It makes me think that Egypt is being discriminatory against its Irish immigrants!

When we arrived at the customer site, I was offered “coffee” to drink, which I readily accepted. While I appreciate my hosts’ generosity, the “coffee” I was given is of the Turkish kind. This means that it consists of mostly coffee grounds. It is so thick, that you can literally stand a spoon on end by sticking it into the black muck. I did my best to drink it so as not to offend anyone.
As soon as I was done, my boss (Phil) walks over with what appeared to be a fruit smoothie! He had the decency to offer me a bit to knock the coffee grounds from the back of my throat. I’d like to know where I was when these drinks were being offered (probably working…)

During our entire time at the customer site, we had to deal with their elevators. Not that there’s anything wrong with their elevators; they do indeed lift us from floor to floor. The only “problem” is that the elevators don’t have doors. The best way to understand my meaning is to watch the video…the video of the Elevators Of Death…

Once we’re at work, I felt quite comfortable filming with my camera. So, you are going to see us doing what we do to earn a paycheck. We’re operating our equipment, talking about throughput and data integrity. Pretty boring stuff overall, but this is what pays the bills. This is why we are here.

If you have been following my blog, you should know by now that Tony Novoa is a business partner of mine. But I want you to understand that over the last three years, he’s become much more than that to me. He is very much like an older and wiser brother to me; I have learned SO MUCH from him and I have every respect and admiration for his abilities.

Having said that, I have also found Tony to be a master of slapstick comedy. While we were at the customer site, we had a bit of “down time” and Tony asked to hold my video camera. I handed it to him and showed him the basics of its operations. As he was playing with it, he accidently knocked an un-opened can of Coca-Cola off the table and hit the ground and rolled around quite a bit. Tony picked it up, set it on the table, and started to move as if he would open the can. I exclaimed, “You’re not going to open that, are you?!?!” To which Tony replied “No, of course not…” and then he opened the can! I wish I had my video camera rolling at that exact instant, because when he pulled the tab, the entire content of the can exploded and deposited itself on Tony’s business suit. I nearly wet myself from laughing so hard…as did Diego!

As you will see on the video, Tony explains that when I asked “You’re not going to open that?”, he thought I was referring to my video camera which he had been playing with…which is certainly a reasonable assumption. In reality, I meant was he going to open the now explosive can of Coca-Cola. What fun! I still laugh about this…

Later that evening, after Tony changed into dry clothes, we went on a Nile dinner cruise. The food was very good and the entertainment was enjoyable. However, I’ve done this river cruise before, so I knew what to expect.

Well, that’s all for now. Suffice to say all is well, I’m happy, the company is doing well, and I’ve captured what I hope is some interesting video for my friends…

Love you all!

Last Day in Cape Town - Let's Go Mountain Climbing!

OK, as usual, the blog is a little out of date. I am now in Muscat, Oman...which wasn't even on the original itinerary. It has been a very, very busy several weeks. Good news is that I finally have an Internet connection that is fast enough to allow me to post some videos. Who would have thought that I'd have to go to Oman for that to happen?

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Our last day in Cape Town was spent climbing mountains. We didn’t plan this particularly well, because the clothes that we wore to explore those mountains would be the same ones that we would wear for the next 20+ hours as we flew from South Africa to Egypt. Yep – smelly, sweaty, locker-room-like clothes that would torment our fellow plane-mates for nearly a full day. Not that their bearded, robe-wearing, smelly-sandaled bodies were any better…but you know, at least we wore deodorant.

And when I say “climb[ing] that mountain,” I actually mean “we rode a cable car up the mountain.” I mean, come on, everybody who reads this blog knows me…so who am I kidding? We didn’t “climb” anything. Although, once dropped off at the top of Table Mountain, we did go up and down the various cracks and crevices that a million years of rain have made. Even THAT was enough to make me winded! As you’ll hear in the video, I’m having trouble breathing. Hard to believe that I stopped smoking 2 years ago…but there you have it! I was near 20,000 feet or something while filming…so give me a break! I was camera man, director, producer, and actor…there was a lot of pressure up there! Plus, there’s very little oxygen at those altitudes! In fact, I’m pretty sure they make astronauts train on this mountain before they send them to space.

The cable car itself is quite an experience. It’s shaped somewhat like a flying saucer from a 50’s sci-fi movie (which lends credence to my theory about astronaut training). The cool thing is that it spins on its way up (and down). This is to make sure that everybody gets a good view of the awesome scenery. Otherwise, big people would probably squish the smaller folks against the windows in their efforts to see the rock face and / or sea-side views

Upon arriving at the top, the entire ticket-buying cable-car masses are left on their own. Everybody is free to explore 3,500 ft. sheer cliffs as he or she sees fit. As for me, I decided to explore the “off the beaten path” track and wound up seeing sides of the mountain that no man was meant to see. I filmed what I could of this adventure…but it simply wasn’t possible to hold a camera to capture the best footage while swinging from ledge to ledge and grasping jagged rocks with my fingertips while supporting both my weight and the weight of my boss’ boss (Scott). But I think the footage that I did manage to take speaks largely for itself…

Cape of Good Hope

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Unlike yesterday, when we were completely free to decide what to do, today was an organized “fun day.” At this point, our distributors haven’t arrived so it’s only my follow Scranton employees and me enjoying the activities. The organizers had originally requested a van for the eight of us, but apparently the van was in use…so the tour company sent a bus that seats 44 people. We had plenty of room to stretch out; I wish my flight over the Atlantic had been this spacious!

The first thing we did was visit Sandy Bay…the only “official” nude beach in all of South Africa! Unfortunately, a couple of things conspired to keep us from enjoying the full experience. First, it’s nearly winter in the Southern Hemisphere so the nudists are mostly clothed now. Second, we were up very high on the cliff and the telephoto lens on my camera isn’t very good.

After our attempted voyeurism, we took a boat to visit some seals on a rock in the ocean. I’m not exactly sure why this is such a tourist attraction; it’s just a bunch of rocks in the ocean with some seals laying about sunning themselves. There were some baby seals, and I could understand the attraction had we been allowed to “go Eskimo” on them with baseball bats…but all we were allowed to do was take pictures.

I think my favorite part of the seal outreach program was the boat ride. I was truly amazed by how close the captain was willing to get to the rocks. We were just a few feet away from being dashed to death against the rocks. Any survivors, I imagine, would have been devoured by the seals. What fun!

Luis Wasserman also provided a bit of entertainment when he needed a pair of sunglasses and attempted pricing negotiations with a local vendor. He ended up calling the vendor “crazy” and a bunch of other things. As a result, relations between South Africa and Colombia are now at an all-time low. We keep telling Luis to mind his manners when he travels internationally, but our advice falls on deaf ears.

It was then time to check out the penguins. I’d seen penguins before…but only in captivity. These were free-range penguins living a life of swimming, catching fish, sunning themselves, and avoiding the Great White sharks that eat them like popcorn. A few of them were walking about, but the great unwashed penguin masses seemed to be huddled near one another on the beach, face down, snoozing.

We eventually made it to the Cape of Good Hope, which was the highlight of our tour. Contrary to popular belief, this is NOT the southernmost part of the African continent. The southernmost point is actually 90 miles to the east-southeast. Nonetheless, this is the point of land on which Bartholomeu Dias landed in 1488. He gave it the name “Cabo de Tormentas” which means “Cape of Storms.” I can certainly see why he named it this; the day we were there, the winds were blowing like mad. It would have been very, very rough in a boat off-shore…and we were there on a “good” day! The King of Portugal, John II, wanted to colonize this part of the word and his marketing people thought that “Cape of Good Hope” might be a better name to attract would-be settlers. It’s been known as such ever since.

The next day, we visited a shopping center called the “Century Mall.” I went there primarily to find some books to read…the supply of books I took on this trip have mostly been read. Time to re-stock.

The Devil and Pirate Van Hunks in Cape Town, S. Africa

Well, the blog is a week behind. I’ve been very busy entertaining our distributors, going to formal business dinners, delivering presentations, and doing my regular day-job as well. My days have been starting around 7:00 a.m. and ending around midnight. Sure, we managed to have some fun (as the video will attest), but we also worked really hard. Work hard, play hard…that’s our way!

My first impression of Cape Town is that it’s windy. We may have the “Windy City” of Chicago, but it can’t hold a match to the winds here. This became evident when we decided to charter a catamaran out of the harbor for a few hours’ sail. On board was my friend and coworker Sue Dommeyer, her husband Jay, Todd Radtke, the captain, first mate, and me. As we were leaving the harbor for the open ocean, we clocked 60 knots of wind on the wind indicator.

60 knots converts to 69 miles per hour. Hurricane winds begin at 74 miles an hour…so we were experiencing what hard-core sailors would call a “stiff breeze.” For a moment, our captain had a look of sheer and utter terror on his face as we all grabbed on to handrails to hold on for dear life as our catamaran bobbed about like a cork. I had always heard the “cats” were supposed to be very stable in rough weather, but I quickly learned otherwise.

Once we entered the open ocean, the wind and seas died down. The captain relaxed and even told us that we’d set a new speed record…22 knots! It was smooth sailing from here on out. We encountered whales (we never actually saw them, but we could see their tale-tell signs of breathing through their blow-holes), big cargo ships, and a shark. All in all, it was a very pleasant day to be on the water.

One of the most striking features of Cape Town, whether viewed from the land or the water, is Table Mountain. The mountain gets its name from its very flat top and steep sides. It rises approximately 3,500 feet above sea level.

One of the coolest aspects of the mountain is the clouds that form on the top. On an otherwise perfectly cloudless day, the Table Mountain will often be covered by a “table cloth” of white clouds that form and dissipate as if by magic. Oh, sure, there’s probably some fancy scientific explanation for the phenomenon, but the local legend is much more fun. Apparently, the clouds are actually the visible results of a smoking contest between the Devil and a local pirate named Van Hunks. How cool is that?

Over the next couple of days, I will try to get more South Africa video edited for the blog. In the meantime, enjoy a virtual sail around the Cape Town Harbor…

Country House and City House

This past weekend, my hosts got me out of the city and into the Argentine country…land of the Gauchos (Argentine cowboys). Tony and Betina picked me up at the hotel, and we drove for about an hour into the country. I was amazed at how flat the landscape is…it’s as flat as a table-top…just like Florida!

Edi’s country home is on a huge track of land that used to be a cattle ranch. The property has been subdivided into a few dozen properties that are used by people from Buenos Aires to get away from the city and enjoy the country air. Each lot has a minimum amount of land (it appears to be a couple of acres, at least). This ensures some distance and privacy between the neighbors. What’s especially cool is that Edi’s house was designed by his daughter, who is an architect. How cool is THAT?!?

The house is long and narrow. The first floor is the living area with a living room and plenty of seating for family and guests. I especially like the wood-burning stand-alone fireplace that serves as a central focus point of the room. There’s a modern kitchen with sink and oven. Behind that, though, is the “heart” of the house. The dining room! It takes up about a football field’s worth of space. It can easily sit a dozen people.

The grill is prominently featured at the end of the dining area. The grill is of a unique Argentine design that I have never seen before. To one side, there is a narrow slit, perhaps 8” wide, between the bricks that form the structure of the grill. Here, the chef burns wood for several hours and turns it into hot coals. The coals are then taken by shovel to the grilling area which consists of metal grates that are angled so that the juices flow downward and collect into a special tray. This helps to minimize the amount of fat that falls into the flames and causes flare-ups. With this grill, the idea is to supply a LOT of heat, but no flames.

The meal itself, of course, was exceptional. Edi explained several times all of the types of meat that were served (there were at least seven varieties). But, I don’t remember their individual names. Suffice to say that there was meat from the throat of the cow, the ribs, the diaphragm, and intestines. We also enjoyed pork.
After lunch, we walked for about 20 minutes to the old ranch house from the original property. It was built in 1844, and is in surprisingly good shape. In fact, club members can arrange to have guests sleep in the original manor. My favorite features of this house were the inlaid-wood floors and the uber-cool retro-bathroom.

On Monday evening, Tony picked me up from the hotel and took me to his home in the city. He and Betina have lived here for four years. They used to have a larger place, but downsized after their three boys grew up and left home.
Betina is an incredible cook! We enjoyed a spinach roll, almond-crusted salmon, cheese potatoes, and desert. As always on this trip, I ate too much…but I enjoyed every bite!

Well, this is my last entry from Argentina. Tomorrow morning, I fly to Cape Town, South Africa, where all new exciting adventures will take place. Oh, and work, too…I suppose. Yeah, probably mostly work. ;-)

Don't Cry For Me Argentina...

This past weekend was awesome! My hosts (Tony Novoa and Edi Alvarez) made sure to schedule a bit of “fun time” that included things other than eating. Yes, we all enjoy eating…and I’m afraid that by watching these videos, my audience will think that’s all we do. Fact is, we DO eat a lot because everybody wants the foreigner (i.e., me) to try a bit of everything. But we also have fun in other ways…like visiting the local tourist traps and what-not.

Oh, and there’s a popular misconception that I’d like to nip in the bud. As I’ve said on previous blog posts, I do actually WORK on these trips. Unfortunately, the nature of the work would appear a bit boring if captured on video. I mean, do you really want to watch hours and hours of business meetings…or had you rather see some of the local tourist stuff?

Yeah, I thought so. But people forget that this is a business trip. Trust me; for every hour of “fun” that I get to experience, I spend 8.7 hours in boring meetings (I’ve timed it).

Now, on to the video. Tony picked me up on Saturday morning and drove me around town. He was careful to point out some of the changes that have happened over the past 50 years. This is because my good friend, Daniel Montoya, grew up in Buenos Aires, but he left his home country in 1959. He’s never been back. He became quite excited when I told him that I would be visiting his home town, and I promised to film a few of the sites just for him. So, Daniel…some of this footage is just for you!

Tony and Betina asked if I might be interested in eating Chinese food…which happens to be one of my favorite cuisines! I learned many years ago that there are three ways to judge the quality of any nation. First, try their beer (if they don’t have beer…run like hell!). Second, try a pizza. We all have eaten pizza’s in our own countries and know that there’s a basic list of ingredients…a flat crust for the base, some tomato sauce, a bit of cheese…and then…who knows? That’s the great part! They serve pizza everywhere in the world, but each culture puts its own spin on how it’s prepared! You can tell a lot about a society by how they treat their prisoners…and how they make their pizza. Finally, order a Chinese meal. The Chinese are masters of taking their basic cuisine and modifying it to excite the local taste buds.

The highlight of my day was a visit to one of the most famous cemeteries in the world; La Recoleta. This is the cemetery where Eva Peron is buried. It is the cemetery of presidents, Nobel-laureates, war heroes, and titans of industry are laid to rest. It is, by far, the most awesome cemetery I have ever visited.

Much to my surprise, neither Tony nor Betina had actually visited this tourist-attraction! They simply had never had any reason to go there. I suppose this is somewhat like the New Yorker who had never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

After visiting the cemetery, we went across the street to a café to enjoy a cup of coffee. As we were sitting there, Tony kept saying that the woman sitting across from us looked just like his teacher from the third grade…when he was an eight year-old boy, and his teacher was probably in her mid-twenties. Betina and I must have told him three or four times that he MUST go and introduce himself…to find out if it was her…his third-grade teacher from forty-four years ago.

Was it her? Well, you’ll just have to watch the video to find out…

Buenos Aires - Spanish for "We Eat Meat"

Well, my latest trip has finally begun! It was off to a bit of a rocky start when I arrived at the Jacksonville “International” Airport to discover that my flight to Miami was delayed by 40 minutes. This is not a good thing, considering that I would now have only 20 minutes to catch my connecting flight to Buenos Aires.

When I landed in Miami, it was pouring down rain. Normally, this wouldn’t be a concern. After all, in modern airports, planes pull right up to the boarding gates and passengers never have to experience the weather. The problem is that American Airlines flies “puddle jumpers” between Jacksonville and Miami. These are small regional planes that are the red-headed stepchildren of the airline industry. In Miami, they’re not allowed to connect to a jetway. Instead, they park on the tarmac and a bus comes by to pick up the passengers to take them to the terminal. So, while walking from the plane to the bus, I got soaking wet. This meant that I’d be wearing wet clothes for the next ten hours or so.

A word of caution about American Airways…DO NOT FLY THEM…especially if you’re over 5 feet tall! As it happens, I am 6’4” tall and I have very long legs. I was flying coach, and there was simply no room for my legs. I had to spread my knees the best I could because the seat in front of me was so close! To make matters worse, the guy in front of me reclined his seat as soon as the wheels left the ground. The back of his seat was so close to me that I couldn’t even hold a book in a comfortable reading position.

To cram ever more people aboard their planes, airlines are quickly reducing the amount of “pitch,” which is the distance between the front of one seat and the back of the next. This reduces the amount of leg room, which is very important to tall people like me. American Airways is one of the stingiest airlines when it comes to “pitch” in passenger seats. If you don’t want to feel like the guy in front of you is sitting in your lap…avoid American Airways at all costs!

After a sleepless night, I arrived in Buenos Aires at 6:20 a.m. local time. Much to my surprise, the officials there demanded $131 U.S.!!! They had signs posted everywhere explaining that this was NOT a visa charge (which I believe would violate a treaty between Argentina and the U.S.). Instead, the money was a “reciprocity” charge. Basically, the U.S. decided a while back to charge Argentine citizens $131 to enter the U.S. Argentina decided to pay back the favor by charging U.S. citizens to enter their country. Actually, I can’t say that I blame them. Plus, this is a business trip…so it’s not my money!

When I picked up my bags at Customs, I was shocked at how soaking wet they were. Apparently, American Airlines baggage handlers let my bags sit on the runway during the pouring rain in Miami. Now, all of my clothes were nice and damp; not soaking wet, but definitely not dry.

Once I cleared Customs, I was met by a driver holding a sign that read, “Roberto Doty.” I thought that was a nice Spanish touch. He helped carry my bags to a waiting car, and we were off to my hotel.

The first thing that caught my attention on the way from the airport was the military “pill boxes” that were placed on the main road every few hundred feet. In years past, these concrete bunkers would be manned by armed soldiers who could aim their weapons through narrow slits. They’re not in use today…at least, that’s what I’m told.

An hour later, we arrived at the Abasto Plaza hotel, which will be my home for the next week. I think I’m going to like it. It’s directly across the street from the Abasto Market, which was built in 1893 and originally served as a central farmers’ market. Today, it’s a modern shopping center. When I got to my room, the first thing I did was give the bed a thorough test-drive. I slept for nearly six hours straight.

In the evening, I was picked up by Tony Novoa and his beautiful wife, Betina. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner at a traditional steak house. They served every type of beef and pork imaginable; sausages, steaks, chops, and even a house special “minced beef milkshake with crumbled bacon bits”.

OK, kidding about the milkshake. But let it be known that if there’s a national dish in Argentina, it’s going to have a large helping of beef. It’s also going to be served late in the evening, by American standards. In fact, dinner didn’t even begin until 9:30…and I was dropped off at my hotel at 12:30 a.m.

On Thursday morning, work began in earnest. Tony picked me up, and we headed to his office. The building was constructed in 1969…the same year I was born. It has the coolest elevator. To get in, one has to open a folding metal door and then a collapsing metal gate sort of thing. Then the outer door is closed, followed by the metal gate. As the elevator moves from floor to floor, the only thing that separates the riders from the elevator shaft is this metal gate. It would be quite easy for a careless person to lose a finger or two between floors.

That evening, Edi Alvarez and his beautiful wife Haydee picked me up to take me to yet another incredible restaurant. There, we met his daughter Carla and her fiancé Sebastian. Tony and Betina joined us a bit later. When I heard my hosts speaking Spanish, I could pick up the term “paella” being tossed about. I like paella. In fact, it’s one of my favorite dishes. Yet, on the English menu I was provided, there was no mention of the dish. There was “Seafood and Rice,” but that’s hardly the same thing. Finally, I had to say something. I asked Haydee if this restaurant serves “paella,” and she was a bit surprised that I knew what it was. So, we all ordered paella…and it was awesome!

I was dropped off at my hotel well after midnight, and enjoyed a deep and peaceful sleep with visions of Tango dancers, slabs of beef, and bottles of Mendoza whirling above my head.

Alright, I'm a little behind on my blog. If I could change the date on Blogspot, this entry would show November 25 or so...around the time I was returning home from this massive trip that included visits to England, South Africa, Namibia, Oman, Dubai, and Egypt. As it is, today is Christmas Eve and I'm back home aboard Candide editing my videos, updating my blog, and stuffing myself with all sorts of Christmas treats.

The last time I was in Egypt was in early 1998. I went there with Bill Hoffman, a childhood friend, on vacation. We arrived right after 62 tourists were murdered by terrorists in Luxor. Our friends, family, and coworkers thought we were crazy for going at that time, but we already had our flights booked! Plus, I figured that the safest time to avoid a terrorist attack was right after one happened. I was right! The entire country welcomed us with open arms. Our flight to Egypt from London was nearly empty. We didn't have to stand in line at the airport. They waived our visa fees. People stopped us on the street and thanked us for visiting the country and told us to please tell our friends to come. Because we were the only two tourist in Egypt at the time, we were treated like celebrities!

This trip brought back a lot of memories for me. My boss and I stayed at the Cairo Marriott Hotel, which was originally built as a palace to house the European dignitaries who came when the Suez canal was opened in 1869. This is the same hotel that my friend and I stayed in in 1998! At the time, our room cost about $40 per night (there were few guests because of the terrorist attacks, so the hotel offered rock-bottom prices), and a beer at the hotel bar cost $1 (I remember specifically because beer was 5 Egyptian pounds at the bar...and 1 pound across the street at the convenience store...and 5 pounds is equal to 1 dollar U.S.). Things have gotten a little more expensive since then. The rooms are now $250 per night, and a beer costs almost $6 at the bar!!! I'm glad Scantron is paying for it this time!

The main event for this trip was a 3-hour presentation that I delivered to about 50 professional educators. We rented a large conference room at the Intercontinental hotel and I put on a show about bubble forms, scanners, subjective item processing...y0u know, the exciting stuff! What was different about this presentation is that my every move was recorded by two professional camera crews. Each crew consisted of two guys; one holding the camera and the other controlling the coaxial cable that connected the camera to the video control room. It was so weird having these cameras constantly following me...and their bright lights made it nearly impossible to see the audience! You can see a bit of this presentation with the camera crews on the video below. If you want the entire presentation, as recorded and edited by the professional video company, it's available for $29.95 plus shipping and handling.

As usual, we managed to have a bit of fun. I bought some bread from a street vendor, which may not sound like much. But I was getting tired of sitting in our distributor's office all afternoon and had to get out and stretch my legs. I had seen a guy selling loaves of bread on the street, and I wanted some! Sammy, our young partner, took me to get a couple of loafs. I imagine that this is the same bread that Joseph, Mary, Moses, and Pharaoh enjoyed so many years ago!

That evening, we wound up at Khan el Khalili which is a huge bazaar that's been there since the 1400's. You can buy anything there that a tourist could desire...brass lanterns, woven carpets, sheep heads (see video). This is very much a tourist hot-spot; I don't think that any real Egyptians actually go there to buy anything. But, I was there in 1998 and wanted to revisit it for the memories. I'm glad I did! It was a lot of fun, and I was able to buy the three things I was after; post cards for family and friends, a gift for David Coats (our corporate travel planner who spent DAYS arranging this trip for my boss and me), and pumpkin seeds (I'm an addict). When I bought David's gift, I haggled like a pro! I told the shop owner that I had 7 children to support and that he was taking food out of their mouths! I might even have to sell one of them for medical experiments to pay for this gift! The haggling worked...I got a carving of a scarab (beetle) for 40 pounds...down from the original asking price of 120!

Later, we took a midnight cruise on the Nile River. This worked out because our flight left at 4:20 a.m. and we had already checked out of our hotel. After the cruise we went straight to the airport for our flights home.

As you may recall from an earlier entry, I had to get a temporary passport in London because I didn't have enough blank visa pages to get into South Africa. No other country had any problems at all with this passport. But when I got home, oh boy! I was pulled aside at customs / integration at Dulles International in Washington, D.C. They didn't ask too many questions; they just looked at my passport and asked me to step into a private area. At first, I thought this was going to be a random bag check (at this point, I had my bags with me). Indeed, they physically checked the bags of the guy in front of me...old school...pulling out the guy's underwear and socks and looking for contraband.

When my turn came, they didn't even look at my bags. Instead, I was asked to sit in a waiting area for "immigration processing." I sat there for over two hours. I was the ONLY American in the room of about 50 people...I believe I was the only English-speaking person in the room besides the immigration officials.

Eventually, my name was called and the game of 20 questions began. Why did I travel to the Middle East? (business) Why did I lose my passport? (I didn't) What type of business am I in? (data collection) What is the height of the Washington Monument? (555 feet) Who did the Green Bay Packers defeat in Super Bowl I? (Kansas City)

Once the officials were positive that I was a red-blooded American citizen, and were absolutely sure that I had missed the last connecting flight to Jacksonville, they let me in to the U.S. I had Thanksgiving dinner at the Dulles Hilton. It's good to be back home!

Dubai: Money and Sand...

Do you want to feel poor? I mean, really REALLY poor? Then I suggest a visit to the land where people buy $400,000 Rolls Royces that are driven for two weeks out of the year when they’re in town. I suggest a trip to the mall we visited where you can purchase a gold-plated cell phone that costs $30,000. Oh, and might as well go skiing while you’re in that mall…the one that’s built in the desert. We’re talking very serious money here in the beautiful man-made emirate of Dubai.

Everything in this country is brand-spanking new and clean…this is due largely to the imported labor. While there are only 600,000 citizens in Dubai, there are more than 6 million expatriates who do everything from industrial engineering to information technology management to teaching to gardening. The whole time I was in the country, I don’t think that I met a single Dubai citizen. Everybody was from somewhere else!

Our business partners here are fantastic hosts, and they made sure that we got to see some of the sites when we weren’t working. For me, there were two things that I really appreciated. First, we got to visit the big palm tree island that they’ve built in the Gulf. It’s HUGE! It’s clearly visible to the naked eye from the Space Station…but I had no idea how big it was until we drove across it on our way to brunch. Our distributor has a friend who lives on the “trunk” of the palm tree, and we were invited in to his apartment building. He took us to the parking garage below the building to show us the collection of Rolls Royces, Ferraris, and Lamborghinis that his neighbors drive when they’re in town.

The second thing that left me dumb-struck was visiting the world’s tallest building. It’s brand-new, and isn’t scheduled to be open for a couple of weeks yet. But, just standing there looking up at it was still a thrilling experience. The next time I visit Dubai (next month!), I’m hoping to visit the top of this building.

The only problem with Dubai is that it's expensive to live there (or visit). Our hotel, which is considered mid-range (a typical J.W. Marriott) was $650 per night. Internet access in the rooms cost an additional $30 per day. Would someone please explain to me why expensive hotels feel the need to charge extra for Internet access...while every Motel 6 gives it away for free? I'm surprised that Marriott doesn't charge to watch T.V. in your room...or perhaps charge for guests who opt to take a shower...or turn on a light...or use some toilet paper...or sleep in the bed rather than curled up on the floor! Sorry, but I sometimes get upset with hotels that constantly tack on additional charges for things like the Internet...ESPECIALLY when they're charging $650 per night!!!

Have a look at the video and let me know what you think!

Oman...Not What I Thought...

Ever heard of Oman? It shares a border with Yemen. Yemen is the birthplace of Osama Bin Laden, and by all accounts a fairly poor and dirty place. When I learned that this trip would include a jaunt to Yemen’s next-door neighbor, I assumed that Oman would be dirty, poor, and backwards. I was wrong. Very, very wrong!

Oman is an incredibly rich country in terms of both culture and financial acumen. Everything appears to be brand-new, built out of marble, and designed by some of the best architects the world has to offer. This was not by accident; the Sultanate of Oman decided some forty years ago that he wanted his country to take a progressive path and cater to tourism (some of the best scuba diving in the world is found here…so I hear). He ordered world-class hotels built. He ordered that the roads be paved anew. He funded education to all new levels. The only problem was that when he started ordering these changes, he wasn’t in charge of the country…his father was.

But the people were on the side of the son and wanted to move into the modern age. So, the son had the father thrown in jail. But not just any jail…this was a jail built on an island. The new Sultanate then built a palace on the mainland that faced the jail so he could keep an eye on the old man.

When his power base was secure, the son released the father and allowed him to retire to his own (heavily guarded) villa, where he died of natural causes many years later. In the meantime, Oman moved steadily forward to establishing itself as the tourist Mecca for this part of the world.

And the people LOVE him for it! I have been to countries run by dictators, kings, presidents-for-life, etc. Usually, these people are detested by the average person on the street. In Oman, things are different. They understand what this man has done for his people, and they seem to genuinely appreciate his efforts. It’s amazing the love the people have for this man.

Our host, Hunaid (who resembles Quasay Hussein a little…but lacks his evil disposition) took us around one evening to show us a few sites. We were able to see one of the 7-star hotels that has been built to cater to wealthy (very wealthy) tourists. The rooms there start at $800 per night during the relatively cool winters, and dip to $300 per night during the unbearably hot summers.

We also visited a souk, which we would call a “bazaar.” It has miles and miles of tiny shops selling everything imaginable. Of course, the shopkeepers are fairly aggressive in this part of the world and had Phil and me in their sites long before we cast a shadow on their thresholds. It didn’t help that we’re two very white men in very Western business suits. That’s OK…Phil bought a couple of souvenirs for his grandkids, and I managed to get some entertaining video shots.

The next day, I had a presentation for about 50 people. If you’ve ever wanted to know what I do for a living…watch this video. That’s me, in front of a relatively small group of people explaining how our solutions can help them accurately collect hand-printed response data from paper forms. While I’ve included a few minutes of the video for this blog, I actually talked on this day for over three hours. That’s three hours of straight talking, answering questions, and pitching our solution…we did take one 15 minute break. And yes, every single person actually returned to the presentation after the break!

After the presentation, we ate and returned to our hotel. Phil and I had to get up early the next morning to catch our flight to Dubai.

That’s all from Oman (at least for now…it looks like I’ll be going back there in a few weeks). Keep checking the blog for the next exciting tale from the Middle East!

Meet Adam and Eve (well, Eve anyway...)

Today we decided to commune with nature once again. We’d done the safari thing in Namibia where we could look at the animals but not touch. Today would offer us the chance to pet, stroke, grope, slap, rub and even ride African Elephants to our content. If there was any sense of natural justice in this world, these huge animals would stomp us into the ground as we attempted to “share an experience” with them. As it is, the lawyers have gotten involved and the elephants know that they’d be on the losing side should they decide to administer jungle justice on us.

So it was off to an elephant center for us. Yes, they have “centers” for elephants in this part of the world. It seems that a full-grown bull elephant requires some 10,000 hectares (25 acres) of land to support itself. Because of development, land is getting more and more scarce in South Africa, which is crowding the elephants together. This causes mass pachyderm starvation as they compete for the same food.

The solution to this problem isn’t particularly pretty or tourist-friendly…they “cull” the elephants. “Cull” is a euphemism for mass elephant murder. They kill them any way they can…by setting huge traps that are similar to mouse traps except they use peanuts for bait. They sneak up on them with Predator Drones borrowed from the U.S. Air Force and launch missiles into the heard as they’re having wedding parties.

The elephants at this center are waiting to be relocated. Some of them may wind up in zoos, while others will wind up on private reserves. They can’t be released back into the wild because they have been trained to not trample people (which means that they’ve unlearned an essential survival skill). Living in the center, though, beats the alternative…which is being dead.

Three elephants (two teenage males and one middle-age female) were paraded in front of us and did some tricks for our amusement. They knelt down on the knees, jumped up and down in place (yes, you read that correctly; see the video), trumpeted on command, and gave kisses with their trunks.

This whole kiss thing was disgusting (again, refer to the video). Everybody wanted me to get a kiss, but I told them that they were out of their friggin’ minds. Kirsty, to her credit, is fearless when it comes to elephant snot. She stood next to an elephant, a handler took the trunk, placed it on the side of Kirsty’s head and gave it the command to “kiss.” The elephant blew through its trunk and left a brown goo on the side of Kirsty’s head. Disgusting! The only cool thing was that it was a female elephant…and you know we guys always like two see two girls making out…

Afterward, everybody was allowed to walk with the elephants. Basically, you held on to the end of their trunk with your hands and led them around an exercise area. Again, I was asked to participate, but I declined. I was told that this might be the only chance I’d have in my lifetime to lead an elephant around by its nose. Somehow, though, many years from now when I’m on my deathbed reviewing the regrets of my life…I don’t think this event is going to be on the radar. Plus, as I reminded everybody, we had to sign legal waivers that clearly stated that these 11,000 lb animals are still wild beasts that can (and do…and likely will again) kill at any second. What’s next for these people…snorkeling with Great Whites? No thanks. I’ll just stand off at a distance and film the carnage should it happen. Perhaps I can make a video “When Elephants Go Crazzzy! Now with extra blood and broken bones!”

After our elephant encounter, it was time to head to a fascinating museum in the middle of nowhere. It’s a new attraction, and was built to honor the dead people that they found in nearby caves. These aren’t ordinary dead people, these are the original dead people. Original as in Adam and Eve. Ever heard of the fossil skeleton of “Lucy” that was found in the 1970’s? Well, this is where they found her!

I must admit that I never would have associated Lucy and other proto-humans as having lived in what is now South Africa. I always thought they’d have lived further north on the continent…rather than its southernmost extremity. This is why I never became a paleontologist.

The museum was entertaining and informative. There’s a boat ride at the beginning that seems rather pointless. Otherwise, it’s a well-conceived tribute to our earliest-known ancestors.

Dirty Dancing in Jo'Burg

OK, the blog is a little out of date because I’ve been working. I mean it! I’m not kidding! My days have been starting at 7:00 – 8:00 a.m. every day (weekends included; in fact, I had to met everybody at 5:15 a.m. in the hotel lobby so we could catch our flight from Namibia to South Africa). This has been murder on my body clock…which includes a natural “snooze” feature when I have to wake up before sunrise!

Anyway, we left Namibia VERY early in the morning so that we could get to the airport and hang around waiting for the Namibia Airways staff to arrive so they could check us in. We were there a good hour before they showed up.

Namibia Air is a tiny outfit. They have exactly four planes. This morning, three of the planes were parked on the tarmac, as the airport here doesn’t have boarding gates. We had to walk across the tarmac to the planes after clearing security. I managed to pull out my camera and take some footage as we neared our aircraft. It was pretty cool seeing such a large plane from this angle. In the U.S., passengers are never allowed to approach a plane like this without armed guards surrounding them.

Two hours later, we landed in Johannesburg. They issued me a 1-year visa, which I thought was quite generous. Our host, Mario, the crazed faux-Cuban, proudly drove us around the city and explained that the neighborhoods with the high brick walls, topped with electrical fencing wrapped around barbed-wire, broken glass, and used hospital needles are the “safe” areas where people live. The “really safe” areas have walls with machine gun nests and guards equipped with RPG’s.

So, welcome to Johannesburg; a city with two populations. The wealthy white people live in fortified mini-cities. The rest of the population live in squalor.

It is easy to judge this situation on its surface, but that would be unfair. Grossly unfair. Many of the blacks are from other African nations…like Nigeria, Botswana, and Zimbabwe. There are no controls at the borders. The people who cross them at will are illiterate, homeless, and have no skills. They arrive by the tens of thousands with no means of support. So, they turn to crime. Often violent crime.

The Johannesburg newspaper is a very depressing thing to read. On the front page is a description of the daily shootings, stabbings, and beatings that occurred the day before. Pages two and three cover the recent armed robberies, batteries, and car-jackings. Pages five and six are devoted to rapes, assaults, and petit theft. The funnies are on page seven.

Despite its problems, Johannesburg is a beautiful place. There are purple trees everywhere. Mario told me the name of these trees, but it’s impossible to pronounce or spell because an Afrikaans word (or possibly Swahili…I don’t know). Anyway, they are deep purple in color…like they came off the set of the Telly Tubbies.

There are also big piles of dirt everywhere around the city. When I say “piles,” I really mean small mountains…many of them more than 100 feet high. I was told that these are where they pile the dirt they dig from the gold mines. By the looks of it, there are scores and scores of huge gold mines all around the city.

Mario drove us straight to the international headquarters of CSX (the company he runs). It’s an impressive building in the middle of a business park. It looks like it was built in an old factory. The cubicle areas are open, the ceilings go up three stories, the air conditioning ducts are exposed. But looks can be deceiving; they told us that it was designed from the beginning to look like it had been retrofitted from an old warehouse. Seems to me like it would have been cheaper to find an old warehouse from the beginning…

My boss and I met with their sales staff, and I did a song and dance for them. I wowed them with our latest products, and they seemed genuinely excited about the new opportunities these products can generate. A few hours later, we were whisked to our hotel.

I happen to be “Diamond” status with the Hilton hotel chain…I stay with them a lot. When we were checking in, I was asked to sign a receipt for 9,900 Rand. I had no idea what this was worth in American currency. I signed it and went to my room.

My “room” turned out to be a suite…with its own swimming pool, butler room, 12-seat dining table, private movie theater, and a helicopter pad. Perhaps I exaggerate a little, but when I did the calculation, 9,900 Rand turned out to be $1,326.19! In a panic, I picked up the phone (before I touched anything else in the room), and called my boss’ cell phone. No answer! I send a text message. I called his room. Still no answer. So, I decided to settle in to the most expensive hotel room I’ve ever stayed in. I drank the complimentary bottle of Champaign—and consequently didn’t care how much the room costs. I enjoyed a massage (including the famous “Hilton Happy Ending”)! And I curled up in my luxurious covers for a quick nap.

After a while, we were picked up by our distributors and driven to an amazing restaurant on the other side of town. It’s modeled after a Brazilian churrascarias, where they bring skewers of meat to your table, carve off slabs that fall onto your plate, and have medics on standby should the cholesterol rush overwhelm your arteries.

The meal was wonderful, and the wine and beer flowed freely. We got to really know our distributors and had a great time. Somehow, the group talked me into getting on stage and dancing with a professional terpsichean (yes, that’s a word and a profession…go look it up!). Eventually, the crowd started yelling for me to “take it off,” and much to my surprise, I did! Yep…I was dancing with this hot chick (old enough to by my mom… but still hot) there on stage without a shirt. Don’t believe me? Well, you’ll have to watch the video all the way to the end…

Sundowners With Rhinoceroses

Well, our work here is done. It’s time for a bit of emotional bonding with our hosts, and we spend our morning shopping. I’m not much a shopper myself, but it’s always fun to walk around the stores in foreign countries and see that they sell a lot of useless crap…just like back home! I did buy a stack of postcards and the stamps to mail them back home.

After a light lunch at one of the downtown Windhoeck shops, it was time for the main event of the day…a real-life, honest-to-God, African wildlife safari! I was so excited about killing big, defenseless animals that I nearly wet myself. It was only later that I found out we would only be allowed to take pictures. Africa has been greatly sissified over the past century!

We drove for more than an hour outside of the city. Along the side of the highway, we saw countless baboons. There were baboons lying about the side of the road, baboons resting atop the road signs, and baboons hanging out by water troughs intended for farm animals. We even saw a momma baboon carrying her little baby baboon on her back.

We eventually arrived at the game preserve…an 11,000 hectare hilly ranch surrounded by a very strong wire fence. The centerpiece of the ranch is a spa/resort that is incredibly beautiful. The centerpiece of the centerpiece is an indoor pool that overlooks a craggy valley and the sprawling hills beyond. The pool is an oasis of water in a very barren and dry landscape. Truly beautiful!

Shortly after we arrived, we were loaded into an uber-cool Land Rover and driven around the property in search of big game to shoot…with our cameras. The first animal that we encountered was a big thing. Wayyyy in the distance. Our driver killed the engine and pointed out a couple of big, black, quadrupeds resting mid-way up a hill approximately 1.2 light years away. I’m sure he told us the name of the species, described the animal’s behavioral characteristics and preferred diet. But as 1) I couldn’t inflict harm upon it with a bolt-action rifle and 2) I wouldn’t be eating it later…I found it hard to concentrate on the lecture.

Things got a LOT more exciting when we approached a herd of giraffes. These animals are tall…I mean, REALLY TALL! I’ve seen them before at zoos, but somehow seeing them in their “natural” environment…and only a few dozen feet away…gave me a new perspective on how big these creatures are. They were eating leaves from the tops of trees that had to be 20 feet high. And there were so many of them! I guess the “family” consisted of 7 or 8 individuals.

Another thing that I found interesting was how well the giraffes’ camouflage works. When a giraffe stands behind a tall tree…he more or less disappears. I knew that there was a giraffe standing a few dozen feet away from me behind a tree…but he was truly difficult to see…his form and colors blending perfectly into the landscape. Amazing!

The Land Rover is an incredible vehicle. It is perfectly designed for this environment. Not only was it comfortable for us as we viewed the various creatures in the park, but it had no problems navigating through soft sand or up steep inclines. It’s hard to believe that this is English engineering at work!

While we saw a ton of other animals (many of whom had relatives that I enjoyed eating for dinner last night), the ones that impressed me the most were the rhinoceros (rhinoceroses? Rhinoceri?). These beasts are built like Sherman Tanks…complete with armored plating! They’re huge! They have a very large and sharp horn sticking out their head! They’re kind of like a dinosaur, elephant, and unicorn all wrapped into one.

We saw a total of four of the beasts…two mothers and two calves. We literally chased them around, let them get worn out, parked the Land Rover a safe distance away, and set up a cloth-covered table to serve our drinks and snacks.

This is a memory that will stay with me always. Standing with my new friends next to a collapsible aluminum table holding snacks, beer, soft drinks, and liquor. Drinking one of those beers while watching four rhinoceroses that were watching us only a few dozen feet apart. The sun slowly sank behind the hills in the distance, and the temperature rapidly fell. Sundowners with rhinoceroses. Cheers!


Note: I added video to the last post. Check it out if you haven't seen it!

How do You Like Your Zebra Cooked, Sir?

It has been a long, long day. I showed up at the U.S. Embassy in London at 8:00 on Monday morning. They didn't open until 8:30, so I had some time to get a cup of coffee and another fantastic English Breakfast(TM).

Unfortunately, they couldn't add pages to my existing passport because it had water damage and the cover was separating from the spine. So, they issued me a brand NEW passport! It only has 5 pages, and is only valid for 12 months (temporary passports are usually only good for 3 months, but South Africa requires 6-12 months on a passport for entry). Anyway, I had a brand-new passport in less than 2 hours. Way to go, U.S. Embassy!

After gathering my luggage from the hotel, I headed to Heathrow Airport and checked in. I found out that the plane was 1/2 empty and got my choice for seating. Then it was off to the ServiceAir business lounge for a bit of Web surfing and a couple of glasses of wine before my flight to Johannesburg.

The flight to J-burg was 10.5 hours. A damn long flight, but I've been on even longer flights. The good news is that I had a window seat, and there was nobody sitting next to me. The bad news is that we were two hours late taking off. The guy who fueled the plane didn't complete the appropriate paperwork, and we were grounded until he submitted the correct form.

When we arrived in J-burg, I had 20 minutes to get from my gate to the next flight to Windhoek, Namibia. It wouldn't have been so bad, except South Africa decided to put an immigration booth between me and my next flight! Usually, when transferring to another international flight, one just goes to his gate and gets on the plane. Not so in South Africa. They wanted to see my flashy new passport and put in a stamp. There was a long line to get that stamp...and the clock was ticking.

One thing that surprised me at first, and then started to really piss me off, was that some people thought that they could walk to the front of the queue and butt in line! After I watch this happen a couple of times, someone piped up and said to one of these jokers, "Excuse me! The line starts back there!" The guy looked at him and said, "My plane is boarding."

At this point, I had to jump in. "ALL of our planes are boarding!" to which several people started saying, "Go back to the end of the line!" There would be no more queue-jumping this morning!

I literally ran to catch my next flight. Some Chinese guy was sitting in my assigned seat. He was none too happy when I told him to move. Considering that the plane was mostly empty, and I could have sat anywhere, I can understand his frustration. But rules are rules. Just because we're in Africa doesn't mean that the rules of civilized society go out the window! "Bad China Man! No lo mein for you!" I said. That caught him off-guard!

When we landed in Windhoek, I was sweating a bit. Not only because it was hot, but because I was about to lie to immigration officials; an act that could very well trigger a process where I wind up working on a chain gang under the hot Namibia sun. You see, technically, I am here on business and that would require a business visa stamp in my passport. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to send off my passport to get this special stamp...so I had to enter the country under the guise of being a mere tourist...not the globe-trotting, high-powered, wealthy business executive that I am.

I chose my immigration queue very carefully; it needed it to be staffed by someone who appeared sympathetic and perhaps easily manipulated. When my turn came, I was standing in front of Immigration Officer Sari, a middle-aged African lady sporting a few extra pounds around her mid-section. I had memorized a few details that every tourist to Namibia should know, and asked her if the wildlife was active this time of year. I found out that it's baboon mating season. Huh. I also learned that Officer Sari has a daughter who studied in the U.S. and that she's expecting her first grandchild. She stamped my passport and handed it back to me with well-wishes for my holidays. Sometimes, it helps to be able to pour on the charm!

When I went to the baggage claim area, I was accosted by some crazy man with a horrible Spanish accent. "You American, no? You come with me!" He grabs me by the arm and starts leading me towards the door. "Come, come!" he yells as he leads me along. I'm totally confused and decide to break his grip on my arm. He's only about five and a half feet tall and looks like he weighs about 140 lbs. I can squash him like a Nigerian dung beetle if I must.

As I'm weighing my options for a quick escape, he starts to laugh and says, "Robert...it's me...Mario! hahahah! You should see the expression on your face! Hahaha!"

Mario is our distributor in South Africa who is also responsible for the accounts in Namibia. Though I had talked to him on the phone many times, we'd never met in person. My boss and Kirsty, Mario's right-hand lady, had put him up to this. They all thought it was a great deal of fun watching me being accosted in this manner after 20-some hours of straight travel.

I will have my revenge. Until then, on with the story...

My bags didn't make it from J-burg. No surprise there, as I had such little time for my connecting flight. We headed straight to our hotel where everybody was able to shower and change clothes. I was able to shower, but had to put back on the same clothes I'd been wearing for two days. Ewwww.

Then it was off to meet with our largest client in Namibia, the Ministry of Education. We spent several hours with them as they proudly showed off how they use our forms and scanning equipment. They've got quite an interesting operation and it seems to be very well-run. They have a lot of the same problems as our customers in other parts of the world (e.g., cheating, occasional power outages, etc.), but they've got their operations down to a science.

With business done, it was time for dinner. We were taken to a wonderful place called "Joe's," which is very much like something you'd expect to see in an Indiana Jones film. The restaurant is mostly open to the sky. There are dozens of tables, most covered with a thatched-roof. Narrow corridors wind between the tables to connect one area of the restaurant to the other. Thousands of empty bottles of Jaegermeister line the walls. Lights are strung about on chords that hang from the bare wooden braces that support the thatched roofs. Most tables had candles burning, which didn't seem particularly safe around all the free-flowing booze and highly flammable building materials.

Over the years, I've eaten some pretty exotic foods. Duck foot soup in China, teriyaki duck tongue (also in China), raw fish intestines (China, again), and broiled duck brains (once again, China). Tonight's menu featured a host of exotic meats including zebra, crocodile, ostrich, and kudu (a type of antelope). I decided to order a skewer that includes a chunk of each animal.

I was asked how I prefer my meat to be cooked. "Medium rare," was my response. Red in the center, and pink around the edges.

My meat was served on a skewer that was nearly 2 feet long. It had enough meat on it to make three meals. I decided that I was going to try at least a bite of each type of animal. Below is a summary of how these exotic meats taste:

Crocodile - Tastes like chicken.
Zebra - Tastes like really, really old t-bone. Dry and not juicy.
Kudu - Tastes like roast beef.
Ostrich - Tastes like chicken with a slight hint of duck brains.

The meal was excellent, our hosts were very entertaining, and I was one very, very tired "tourist" by the time I got to my room. Much to my surprise, my luggage was waiting for me in my room.

British Museum of Thefts

Well, yesterday I was a lazy bastard and decided to sleep in with no alarm clock! It has been a long, long time since I've done this (more than 2 weeks!!!), and I decided that it was time for some serious sleep and laying in bed reading and ordering room service (not something I can do from Candide).

But today was different! I needed to explore; to stretch my travel wings and see what awaited me in the city beyond the confines of the Marriott hotel.

First order of business was breakfast. Now, I don't normally eat breakfast; I prefer to wait until lunch. But, since I'm in England and all, I know that breakfast will be the only decent meal I'll have for the day. The English generally have horrible food, but their breakfast is to die for! It's absolutely loaded with fat, cholesterol, salt, carbohydrates, and possibly ground up infants. I don't know what's in the stuff, but it is awesome (see video below)!

After breakfast, I hailed a taxi to the British Museum. London taxis are the best. The entire vehicle is designed with the traveler in mind. In the U.S., taxis are just regular cars with a "taxi" light glued to the top. In London, the taxis have room in the back for both people and luggage. They're easy to enter and exit (even for big guys like me). The windows are large so you can watch the city unfold in front of you. So while England may not have invested too much effort into their culinary scene, they CERTAINLY know how to design a taxi!

The British Museum has been around since the mid-1700's, and has been free to visitors from its inception. The only issue I have with the museum is that most everything that it contains was stolen from some other civilization...from the Babylonians to the Egyptians to the Greeks to the Romans. Some of these civilizations (especially the Greeks) want their "stuff" back from the British. I mean, I've been to the Acropolis in Athens. Know what? The Parthenon is missing a few statues. Personally, I think that the Brits should give them back to Greece...after all, they were told that if they built a sufficient museum to house them, then the statues would be returned. I have personally seen the Greek museum built to hold the friggin' statues. The Brits say that this new museum isn't good enough!

Well, sirs, the friggin' Greeks carved the damn things in the first place! They should be able to store them in whatever sort of building they like. The fact is, the statues belong to the Greeks...in Greece! Give it back, you big bullies!!!

Don't tell anybody, but I managed to steal the Rosetta stone while nobody was looking. My intention is to return it to the people of Egypt when I visit there in a couple of weeks. We'll see what happens...

Damn Limeys!

Lost in London

I was able to get out of Jacksonville without any incidents...no mysteriously rescheduled flights, no sudden thunder storms. I arrived at Washington Dulles, where I had to change flights.

It's been years since I've been to Dulles, and I had forgotten about these weird transportation vehicles they have. Instead of digging a tunnel from one terminal to another, they have these buses-on-stilts things that move everybody between terminals. My guess is that somebody decided it would be too much trouble for everybody to walk from the 2nd floor of the airport to the ground floor to catch a bus...so they created these super-jacked-up monstrosities that back up into the 2nd floor loading area, get loaded with people and bags, and then drive right along to the drop-off. They look positively WEIRD! It's embarrassing to ride in them, and quite frankly a blight on our nation's capital.

Flight out of Dulles took off on time, and we made it to London 40 minutes early because of a tail wind. Because we had a 10 1/2 hour layover in the city, my boss decided to get "day rooms" at the Hilton Heathrow. These are regular hotel rooms, but rented from the hours 9:00 - 17:00. It was great to have a room to take a shower and a quick nap before the next flight to Cape Town...which will take 12 1/2 hours.

We had to check in again to the airport to catch our flight, and this is when my troubles began. It seems that my passport doesn't have any blank pages for visa stamps!!! Now, mind you, my passport has three blank pages at the end...but these apparently are for something called "endorsements," not visa stamps!!! They wouldn't let me on the plane.

I tried calling the U.S. Embassy, but they are closed until Monday morning. Now, mind you, I can get Pizza Hut to deliver, get a burger at McDonalds, or even buy a Ford here this weekend...but can I talk to good ol' Uncle Sam when I need him? No! He's out binge-drinking with the other G7 frat boys this weekend while I'm stuck here in LimeyTown waiting until Monday morning so that I can get visa pages added to my passport!

My boss made it safely to Cape Town; I talked to him yesterday evening. At best, I'll be able to meet him in Namibia on Tuesday morning. It all depends on if I can get extra pages added to my passport. Cross your fingers for me!

In the meantime, I'll be checking out London. Today, I think I'm going to the British Museum. I'm interested in seeing all that stuff they stole from countless other civilizations over the centuries.

Here's a video for you to enjoy. That's all for now...

I Finally Made It To Canada!

Well, it certainly took a while...but I finally made it to Canada! On Wednesday evening, I was greeted by Eskimo girls who put a lei of maple leafs around my neck as I got off the plane. I was given a traditional Moose Biscuit (don't ask...), passed the entrance exam (list 25 synonyms for the word "snow"), and took a taxi to my hotel.

It's been years since I've been to Toronto, and one thing really struck me on this visit. I have never seen such a diversity of ethnic groups in a single city! My taxi driver was from India. The girl who checked me in to the hotel was from Poland. The guy who served my drink at the bar was from Ireland. There was a cocktail waitress there who was from Thailand. The guy who tried to steal my wallet was from Puerto Rico. It really is a very diverse city!

Wednesday evening, I helped our team (Marvin Viegas and Brett Barnes) set up the room for Thursday's presentation. I grabbed a quick bite to eat and headed straight to my room because I had a 12:00 a.m. conference call with a customer in Abu Dhabi. By the time I went to sleep, it was 3:00 in the morning.

I woke early and had to help with our "Road Show" presentation on Thursday morning. These presentations happen all the time with our company, and I've done hundreds of them over the years. Basically, one of our salesmen will send letters to dozens of clients and potential clients inviting them to a presentation and lunch. We use the time to demonstrate our latest products and answer questions that they might have. Afterward, we feed them lunch and then everybody goes home. Hopefully, the clients didn't just come for the free food and we'll see an order from them in a month or two...

I was totally exhausted from staying up so late the night before and I returned to my room to take a nap. Brett and Marvin had better things to do than hang out with me that evening, so I had the night to myself. I wound up walking around looking for a place to eat. I settled on a Thai restaurant and ordered Pad Thai. I asked for it"medium" on the spice scale...I probably should have ordered "mild." It was a bit hot...

The next morning, Marvin picked us up and we drove to one of our major clients in the area...the Toronto Police Department. These guys were nice enough to give testimonials for us at the "Road Show," and now they wanted to show off their brand-new training campus. It was quite impressive! As you can see from the video clip, we were shown around all the various training facilities (fake urban neighborhoods, fake houses, etc...all used to simulate the environments that cops will find themselves in).

We were supposed to be able to fire Glocks at the firing range, but they were in use at the time, so we weren't able to. The cops thought it was pretty amusing that I (a Yank) own and shoot a Glock of my own.

Gord, our host, told a story that I thought was sad. He said that a few years ago, the cadets were instructed to keep the training facilities clean. So, they would fire their weapons in the simulation areas at the academy, and immediately pick up their spent shells and put them in their pockets. The habit became so ingrained that they started finding dead police officers who had been involved in real-life shoot-outs...with spent bullet casings in their pockets or even in their curled hands. They were actually picking up spent casings in the real world during actual shoot-outs. So now, during training, the casings lay on the ground and are picked up later.

Enjoy the video. Please start leaving comments! I need a bit of feedback from these posts...otherwise, I have no way of knowing if anybody is watching them!

Also, please keep checking the blog. I leave on Thursday for England, South Africa, Namibia, Oman, United Arab Emirates, and Egypt. I plan to blog during the entire trip!

Oh, and when I'm on this extensive trip, don't expect the high-production video that I made for my trip to Canada. For Toronto, I used my home machine to do all the editing and music overlays. When I'm overseas on the next trip, I will only have my corporate laptop...and it's not as capable as my home computer when it comes to editing video. So stop bitching already, OK? Jeez...

Will I EVER make it to Canada? Skeptical Captain is skeptical...

OK...so I went to the Jacksonville airport AGAIN, and what happened? Lightning strikes. Simple lightning strikes. So, they shut down the entire airport. "Nobody ain't going nowhere!" is what they announced over the P.A. in that familiar southern vernacular.

So, I'm beginning to think that I will NEVER get out of Jacksonville and head to Canada. Hmmm...we'll see...

In the mean time, enjoy the video clip that I made from the Jacksonville "International" Airport....

The Kanuks Pull a Fast One on Me...

I'm a bit upset right now. I was supposed to be arriving in Calgary, Alberta right about this very moment. Instead, I'm sitting in Candide's main saloon. So, what happened?

This morning, I woke up early (well, early by my standards...9:00 a.m.) took a shower, finished packing, and drove to the Jacksonville International Airport...about 40 minutes away.

I was supposed to fly out on an Air Canada flight, but this airline doesn't actually send their own planes to Jacksonville. Instead, they partner with United Airlines to provide services to cities deemed unworthy to host actual Air Canada planes. I knew this before I arrived, and headed straight to the United ticket counter.

As I was standing there looking at the United arrivals / departure sign, I didn't see my flight listed. In fact, I didn't see any planes at all leaving at 12:15 p.m., which is when my flight was supposed to take off.

When I got to the counter and told them who I was, they recognized my name. "Oh, Mr. Doty! Your flight left about 10 minutes ago! We were expecting you earlier!"

Well, isn't that grand. It only took a few minutes for the ticket agent to figure out what happened. I ordered my tickets in July. Sometime in September, my flight was canceled and I was booked on a different flight. One that left Jacksonville two hours earlier.

United said that Air Canada should have notified me of the change (they didn't). When I talked to Air Canada, they said that my corporate travel agent should have notified me of the change (they didn't). Nope. Two airlines got together and decided to change my flight plans without telling me. A conspiracy!

Air Canada was nice enough to change my booking for a 6:00 a.m. departure from Jacksonville with a 6 1/2 hour layover in Chicago on Monday. This would put me in Calgary around 5:00 on Monday afternoon.

When I told my Canadian business partner of this change, he informed me that our Calgary business would be complete by the end of the day Monday...and that most of Tuesday was going to be used to get from Calgary to Toronto. He suggested that I skip Calgary all together and just meet him in Toronto on Wednesday morning.

So, I called Air Canada back and had them re-rebook my flight. As it stands now, I'll be in Toronto around 11:30 p.m. Tuesday evening.

Ain't travel fun, eh?

"I've Been Everywhere, Man!" is a song by the late Johnny Cash in which he quickly sings the names of dozens and dozens of places he's visited.  It's a catchy tune...and good traveling music!

"I've Been Everywhere, Man!" is something that I'd like to be able to say when I'm bragging to the other Generation Xer's in my old folks' home many years from now.  I've got a pretty good start on this goal.  Through business and pleasure travel, I've been to every state in the U.S. except Alaska and North Dakota (and who in their right mind wants to go there, anyway?). 

More interesting, though, are the countries I've visited.  So far, I've been to Canada, Mexico, Spain, France, Ireland, Italy, Austria, Czech Republic, Poland, Germany, Denmark, the Netherlands, the U.K., Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Bah Rain, the Bahamas, Cuba, Korea, China, Japan, Slovenia, Bosnia, Croatia, Montenegro, Albania, Greece, Serbia, Kosovo, Bulgaria, Guatemala, New Zealand, and the Dominican Republic.  And before 2009 has ended, I'll be visiting at least four new countries: South Africa, Namibia, Oman, the United Arab Emirates, and Jamaica. 

My friends and family are always asking about my travels...so I thought that starting this blog would be a good way to keep everybody informed of where I am and where I'm heading. 

I always enjoy hearing from people I don't know.  If you're new to travel and and have questions, send me an e-mail!  I can tell you pretty much anything you'd want to know about hotels, car rentals, airlines, airports, trains, etc.  Being the opinionated person that I am, I'd be happy to tell you my thoughts about a particular region, culture, or cuisine that I've experienced.  So, ask away!

In closing, this is my very first post to this blog, and I'm learning how to use the Blogger interface.  I'm going to be experimenting over the next few days by posting videos / pictures from some of my past  trips.  Cut me some slack if I screw it up...remember, I'm new to this!